what kept this man going after 5 rings? the desire and the love for the game?

 

then where's mine right now? maybe thats the reason why he's there and i'm stuck here.

 

i have nth but loyalty. i wanna know how it feels like to stick with one team for my whole career.

 

on a happier note. happy bday jun jie! love u bro.

reached level 21 in life recently. 9th march to be exact. for those who cared, thanks alot. really appreciated it. didn't really celebrate it. not much to celebrate about. just another day. why celebrate growing older?

9th march wasn't exactly a fun day. started the day with a 28km route march. seriously, no fun at all. parade and posting after that. was posted to artillery. something i wanted but not the best conclusion for me. despite all the rantings that i do not want to stay back for aslc, i actually wanted it due to the fact that i can be an instructor either at pasir laba camp or bmt after that.

but after hearing from friends that i need to chiong sua during reservice, maybe pressing buttons and loading of rounds ain't that bad afterall.

heard the news that my great grandmother passed away just when i was packing up for home after everything's done. wasn't really affected by it initially but as the news slowly sinks in, it kinda got to me. still rmb the times when i would visit her every sunday with my grandma. not that close but still a family member yo. what's worse, i thought that she passed away on my birthday. in the end, she passed away 2 days before hand on my cousin's bday.

was at her wake for the next 2 days, couldn't really lift my spirits. the only thing i'm looking forward to that week was the dinner outing with team18. the only group of ppl around who without fail can turn my upside down smile into a real smile.

and true to their reputation, the outing was epic. felt way better after that outing. greatest group of ppl around.

anyway, now that i've turned 21, really makes me wonder whether have i lived it right so far? am i strong enough? am i matured enough? where would i be now if i was a lil more demanding? where would i be now if i was a lil more matured back then? and where would i be now if i was more of a bastard? i dont have the answers and doubt anyone else has them too.

looking back, i'ved played basketball for 13 years, have known members of team18 for almost a decade and have left dunman for almost 5 years.

recently, i kinda lost the motivation and will to play bball. almost forgot how it feels like to be free on the court perfecting ur craft. almost forgot the joy and satisfaction upon hearing the "swish". almost forgot the excitement of finding a new obstacle to overcome that u don't really know how to react but simply just smiled. pretty cool ain't it?

13 years and i'm still learning new stuff and am still chasing after someone's back trying to make a mark for myself. just learnt some new stuff ytd. =) but my left knee feels weird recently. weak to be exact, thanks to the 28km route march. i've kinda lost a step and my explosiveness as compared to me during my peak period. i still have my old "seh" as a player, but the me right now is an empty shell. the old me would just say "its just back to the court for more training". but it really takes alot of time and discipline to do that. too much things to master but too little time here. most of the time when i booked out, i just wanna go out and relax with team18 and if that's impossible, then stay home and enjoy the alone time.

really wonder how nba superstars like tracy mcgrady, gilbert arenas, grant hill and many others cope with their demise as a dominant player in the league. i am nth compared to them but i am already kinda fucking lost and confused here.

team18 eh. i used to say that they have been around for a long time but until i do the math, i have no idea it was this fucking long. 8 years since i know jj, the bro i've known the longest. 7 for ky, 6 for jm and jl, 5 for all the other guys and 2 years for the girls. according to ky, good relationship with anyone is definitely a 2 way effort and i fucking grateful that everyone in this group has put in effort. close to 5 years after graduating from dunman and they are still around. jl said it best, this team is for a lifetime already. so better stay true, stay close and hopefully, we'll still be drinking kopi and crapping tgt at some random kopitiam when we are old ah pehs. =)

now that i'm 21 and really has act my age and be sane all the time, i seriously miss the times when i was 16. back then, all we look forward to was sch and how to make sch-ing fun in our sense. to do things on our own terms, have fun, act stupid and get drunk with my best friends. 16 to 18, these 3 years were some of the greatest time in my life up until now. not that its not fun now, but seriously, its really fun back then just being young and hopeless.

ok. gonna end this post soon. just some words of wisedom from this self proclaimed genius. first up, have fun in life. live in the moment. serious, you are only young once, make it fun. dont waste ur youth with books, use ur youth to make alot of fucking great memories. although in the end, you may prolly end up like me. having trouble getting into a local university. but still worth it right?

good things come to those who work. trust me. but work smart eh. have faith and work towards ur goal, if u fail, at least u've tried. in life, not everything will go ur way, there will be things you can have and there will be things that aren't meant to be urs. so try ur best to deal with it. for my case, its either team18 or a more successful basketball "career". i chose team18 and have no regrets. so now, i have to deal with the basketball shit myself.

for whatever things u are trying to achieve, if u are losing faith, just train. if you dont feel good about urself, just train. if u aren't feeling confident, just train. if you dunno what's ur next step, just train. ur training is the only thing that wont betray u.

whatever u do, follow ur own pace. no one else knows what u want more than u. have fun during the process and at times, the outcome doesn't really matters. if u've learnt something from a failure, its already a good takeaway.

dont waste ur time asking why things are unfair. the world is unfair to begin with. instead, use the time spent on complaining to do something else. this is not "not giving a shit", its just not letting things get to u. you'll live happier that way. =)

family and friends before everything else. they will be the ones u run to when u are down. focus too much on career and at the end of the road, there will be no one there for u. true, lesser earnings, but i think the bond u have will worth much more.

dont waste ur time making tonnes of friends. u are not here to win a popularity contest. use ur time to make friends that will be there for u always. my case? team18holdings.

play to win, but winning isn't everything. there's always a lesson to be learnt when u lose.

respect, loyalty and teamwork.

ok. fucking hungry right now. gonna eat. and i need to book in tml, just the thought itself is killing me. fuck!

memories, make me want to go back there, back there.
all the memories, make me want to go back there, back there.
all the memories, how can we make it back there, back there.
i want to be there again.

happy new year everyone. i welcomed this new year with jj and jl. was just slacking around with them at downtown the whole time. monopoly deal, dai di, food, music and jiao weis, that's pretty much all we did.

anyway, its the time of the year that i hate the most. lol. its like hitting the restart button. needa come up with new year resolution or something like that. ok. this year, my resolution shall stay the same, 1024 x 768. hahahahaha. thats for my monitor.

anyway, dont have performance review to conduct cause i didn't make any resolutions last year. hahahaha.

did brought over something hateful from 2010. the legendary tekong cough. been at it for 1 month plus. power not? kinda recovered somewhere in the middle of my bmt phase but the major lack of good food during field camp/sit test period made me went haywire after i booked out, thus my current condition. i seriously think that its just a matter of time before i cough out blood and scare the shit outta my mum. =))

i'll spend the bulk of my time this year serving ns, so really nth much to look forward to. i only hope i can become a commander, from my current outlook, most likely a sergeant, and grow and learn more from the process of becoming a commander.

seriously hope that i'll be posted to bmt after i finish my commander course so that i can train recruits. just like the good old ncc days, grooming the next generation. the best possible outcome will be doing it with my current section mates then at least ns life will be fun. hahaha.

as for team18holdings, nth much to say bout this bunch of ppl. they've been there for a long long time in my life, making life fun and its struggles less painful and i'm pretty sure that they wont go anywhere else in the visible future. still my favourite group of ppl. i only hope for the best for them. hope 2011 will be another great year ahead for us though we're pretty much slowing down in havoc-ing but it is good also, shows the growth in us. lol.

basketball wise. dont think i'll be touching it often. haven even touched it once since i enlisted. was planning to train awhile ytd but it rained. too bad. shall see how things go. i think i've come to terms with putting a full stop to my basketball dream. but as i've said, lets see how things go.

i hope i get a placing in smu but thats pretty hard with my "not so up there" gpa. i'm looking forward to the krabi trip with members of team18holdings and i hope after 4 years of drifting, learning, healing, slacking and waiting, i'll be successful this time round.

i still dont have faith in it yet and this might actually be my final bet. ain't gonna show hand yet cause i'm all confused on the next step and i sense hesitation.

anyway! gonna prepare to meet up with my favourite ppl now. =)

wah. balls almost dropped. the circuits tripped when i was switching on my fan. and when everything was ok, guessed what's not working fine? my external hdd. straight away no morale.

know what's inside not? all my sitcoms, movies and animes. actually, movies and other animes can forget it. can always dl them when i wanna watch. but my collection of one piece and sitcoms, epic ttm ok?

good thing, i'm a natural genius. kept double copies of the really important files. these files are like an old navy seals' war medals to me. f-ing precious. they are the photos and video clips that team18holdings took over the years. really precious stuff. those memories: priceless.

anyway, went running. u know there are times when u are in ur absolute best and u broke ur own record and u are especially proud of urself? well. there one more occassion where u might actually be even more proud of urself. i think that time is when u are at ur absolute worse and u still manage to push urself to cover the same distance when u are at ur absolute best albeit a slower timing. i did just that today. determination ftw yo.

actually, i realised one's determination might actually have a direct correlation to his/her gl-ness. like u know? gl ppl nv give in? so the more gl-ness u have, the more determination u have in a sense.

hahaha. finally, my external hdd nv spoil. the adapter spoil nia. thats y balls nv dropped. lol! actually wont drop also. at most re-download those stuff nia. plus i have lots of time nowadays.

here i stand
with lines drawn in the sand
on each side there’s an ocean
staring out to see the lights as they pull me in

it’s brings me close to home
i start to swim alone
the stillness of the sea
comes crashing at my feet
i try to watch the sky for signs of a new life
i try to stay with what i know

i don’t wanna follow sorrow down
i don’t wanna live a life without
the past is over now

i don’t wanna ever let you down
i don’t wanna die, i don’t know how
i hope you’ll stick around
we’re lost until we’re found

i had that dream
where i just can’t wake up
i’m standing on the edge of my little world
i’m filled with silent sounds and bliss

with little to believe
i think i found the words
a story to be heard
with every whisper

i try to watch the skies for signs of a new life
there’s so much that we don’t know

i don’t wanna follow sorrow down
i don’t wanna live a life without
the past is over now

i don’t wanna ever let you down
i don’t wanna die, i don’t know how
i hope you’ll stick around

you never know, you’re high or low
there is a lot i’ve got to learn
you start so fast, you never last
thinking the time was mine to burn

you never know, you’re high or low
there is a lot i’ve got to learn
you start so fast, you never last

i don’t wanna follow sorrow down
i don’t wanna
the past is over now

i don’t wanna ever let you down
i don’t wanna die, i don’t know how
i hope you’ll stick around
you’re lost until you’re found

oh, you’re lost until you’re found
oh, you’re lost until you’re found
oh, you’re lost until you’re found
oh

tonnes of thoughts running in my head now. guess this one month will be my last month focusing on bball. learnt that we dont always get what we want after a heart to heart talk session with a couple of friends. time to stop, i'm missing out on so much opportunities along the way. 13 years. its not that easy to put down. sometimes, it feels like i'm at a crossroad. i wanna take a step forward and move on but when i think about the years spent on it, i'm afraid i might regret that decision. seriously, i know my skill level is pretty high if i get real serious, but despite that, i still feel quite useless at times because bball is the only thing i'm good at. wonder how i will feel like after putting it down? wonder what life will be without it?

i feel like renting a bike and just cycle around for one day on my own. just explore. disappear. maybe i'll do that next week.

hmmmm. i might have gotten my hands on something that i can't handle right now. i guess i shouldn't approach this situation with the thought of failure in mind at all. i might not be the best for it right now but as long as i give it my best, everything will be fine.

had too much time on my hands and went back to friendster to read up on all the old testimonials. remembered how i used to be. great life back then, great outlook on life back then also.

hitting 21 soon. time to take on the obstacles in life head on. dig deep jem, dig deep. it'll be a long fight till the end.

we don't live our life just to find our purpose for living. its what we do in our short lifetime that matters.

guess i should learn from my old self and dont be so hard on myself at times, have a simple outlook on life, just do the best i can in everything and enjoy every single processes as they unfold.

be optimistic, asshole. =)

yo whazzup? daddy's home. hahaha.

met up with justin, jj, jm, joy, ky and jw for pool ytd. not a bad outing other than only having justin, jj and i playing. jm did join for afew rounds. got real spastic and tried different ways of playing. hahahaha. shall not go into details. dota until late night after we got home.

been slacking since march and finally got my lazy ass back on track with life. went for a job interview in a fabrication plant and in the end, decided to work for my intern boss once more. its not that i failed to pass the interview or something, its just a matter of the job environment not being suitable for me.

intern boss is on vacation for one week. so have to wait and see how things go when she returns. till then, more slacking. oh, when i said i got my lazy ass back on track, it also meant that i've started training bball again. =)

2 months off bball. quite rusty but i would say the break is nice. the fatigue stacked up quite abit over the few months and now, i'm still refresh even after one hell of practice on my own.

oh yah. bad news eh. jj tio enlistment letter. 7th june. major honggan for me. serious. after 7th june. its only jm and me. well, jm still have joy. he's gf and my brother by extension, as for me, i seriously have no idea. hopefully i'll be working then. so wont be that sianned.

i've always pondered on samuel's comment of me not feeling the need for a gf until my brothers are occupied with something. i would say, right now its pretty true eh. everyone's occupied with ns and other stuff. seldom meet up, then finally, i see the need for a gf. but until then, lets just say dont huan loh so much.

nba playoffs started. somewhere between the end of 1st rounds and start of the conference semi finals. well, from how things are going, i would say lakers might not win it all this year. dont get me wrong, i'm still a lakers fan but lets be realistic, kobe is slowing down and thats all that matters now. i would say orlando magic have a shot a being champions this year. we shall see how things go.

oh yah. lebron won mvp awards 2 years in a row now. like i've said, its lebron's era now even though i really hate to admit it. but not for long. kevin durant will be the best bball player in 3 to 4 years time. so enjoy while you can eh lebron.

ok lah. at least there's an update for may but dont expect alot more to come. lol. laziness and having a not so happening life are the 2 major factors.

ja mata.

hey peeps. its been long huh? there ain't much for me to blog about.

there was this bbq outing that failed right after my sip. can't really blame anyone. jm wasn't as free as last time. major project leh. what to do.

so we ended up eating dinner and going down to samuel's house to stayover. well, there were only jj and me. supper was samuel's secret recipe! campbell soup plus rice. hahahahaha. everything was super right except for the portion. 1 cup of rice for 3 hungry buggers don't quite cut it. lol.

ps3-ed the whole freaking night. samuel mocked me for slp-ing 45 minutes after i said, "we have a whole night to rock." he didn't really did much better. that asshole ko-ed for a few hours. who's the man? hahahaha.

breakfast and then watched "the hangover" after that. it was nice but wasn't as epic as i thought it would be.

home after that but hell i couldn't rest, washed up, changed into fresh clothes and its down to my grandma's house. saw someone who used to be a close friend that i cherished, well, shall not go into it right now.

after that? i think its national day. heck! hahahaha. fast forward to tuesday. bball training with samuel. was supposed to run 2.4 but i was fucking lazy. slacked after 1.6. serious lack of discipline. i'm so sorry. hahahahaha.

training was great. pushed myself to the limit. could bearly walk to subway after that. hahahahaha. am thinking of selling off my new bball shoes. something just don't feel right with it.

ok. fast forward again to ytd. met up with ky, jm, jj and boss for gi joe. the show was nice but the outing was epic. hahahaha. went to arcade with them. daytona result? 6-0 against ky. this result is seriously wrong. its supposed to be 3-3. hahahahaha.

after the show, everyone went home except for ky and me. hanged around at mac and talked until 1 plus 2?

been talking alot about the past with ky and samuel recently. dnt and 4e life with samuel and other great parts of sec 4 life with ky. its kinda feels that we're slowing down. especially this year. everyone's busy doing their own stuff. i know, its time to grow up and move on to the next step, but to me, my next step won't start until ns next year. right now? i'm not quite ready to move on. 4th dec, after that day, we are gonna rock.

anyway, talking back about sec 4 life. there's this one group of people that i personally haven't spoke to for 2 years, i think. there's a couple of them that i still warmly greet when i see them and there's another couple of them that i seriously heck when i see them. its like how things turned out with him.

it used to be great. if i could do it once again, i'll amend those things that i did wrongly as a friend with regards to them, but then again, maybe i'm not the one that did things wrongly. one of them chose to listen to one side of the story when things cropped up and didn't bother to listen to our side. furthermore, that person belittled what i've held close to me all the time and thats our brotherhood. to me, thats something i can't stand.

u were with us so long and you should know us. who we really are and how we do things. what i've done wasn't that glorious also, but at least i've check both sides before i mounted an assault. how things turned out this way, i'm not very sure myself too. all i know is that i've helped in the destruction of a seriously good friendship between 2 people and for that, i'm sorry.

team18 is all thats left after all these years huh? well, i'm not gonna let anything happen among us anymore. at least i'll try my very best. thats a vow ky and i took and i know that we'll both stick to it until the very end.

movie poster for the hangover.

move poster for gi joe.

ok. time for psp.

well, i have my back against the wall now. kobe bryant's coming to singapore and i failed to get the tickets. thanks to me being at work and there's no one available to help and collect the tickets due to studies.

well actually, there was one. but hahahahaha, how the fuck would i know he has his mambo every wed?

so nvm, there's only one solution left. go for the trials and hope i get the once in a lifetime chance to be trained by kobe bryant. this truly is a dream come true. my admiration for this man is out of this world. to meet him and be trained by him has always been my goal ever since primary 4. this, is the only chance in my life that our paths will ever cross each other's. the only chance.

its truly something to go all out for. but here's the dilemma. i think this will be the time when my 100% don't actually matter. see, he's kobe bryant. there will be tonnes of ppl wishing to be trained by him. not only me.

and where do i stand amongst them? certainly not at the top. there will be national players and star players from every team there, waiting to be trained by him too. me? just a no name. see the gap? the chance of being selected is unsurprisingly close to zero.

i've spoken to my mother, she asked me to go and try it out so that i will nv have any regrets. true. the prob is, if i nv turn up, all i can say is i missed the event and yes, i'll live with regrets. but by not turning up for the event, there's not really much of a desire to get chosen u see.

but if i ever turn up for the trials. its a totally different thing. if i turn up, the only objective in my brain is to get selected. get what i mean? there's a desire. a fucking strong one.

truth is, i know i won't be picked. and if that really happens. it will be freaking demoralising. denied the chance to be trained by kobe bryant because i wasn't good enough. i think i will be destroyed and it'll take hell lot of time to recover from that fall.

its not that i can't take failures. i've been a failure my whole life. its just that i don't think i can take the "not good enough to be trained by kobe" label on top of me being a failure. get what i mean?

its a tough decision. training on wed by myself was messed up. the thought of making it to the event kept running through my mind and i can't focus. after knowing that the tickets were fully redeemed, my focus has been at its peak for 2 days straight, getting ready for the trials.

this is something i must fight for. actually, i'm used to fighting for almost everything i've achieved. they don't come easy for untalented ppl like me. i know that there will be no regrets if i turn up for the event but the chances of failing are close to absolute.

i don't know what to do, seriously. all i know is that i already swore in front of ky to cut off my fringe and have short hair if i ever get selected.

short hair, no fringe. i can live with that as long as i get be to be trained by kobe. i swear.

behold! the sexiest pair of shoes in the world!

adidas pilrahna 3...

...plus adidas gil zero low...

equals gilrahna! just came in today leh. wahahahahahahaha!

chio right? edited the photo abit on the hue and saturation.

shall further my mastery of the game with this pair of shoes. its not like i'm gonna throw away my old one. i'm planning to use them both.

top view.

cost a freaking $180. but its all worth it.

back view.

side view.

can't wait for saturday to try this pair out.

oh yeah. my adidas team signature creator lo. nice shoes. too bad i burnt out the soles already. thats y i need to get a new pair.

the past and the present.

sad to say, i like this pair more. not because its new, but its damn cool. has been looking for pilrahna 3 ever since chengyu introduced it to me.

gil zero 3 was a substitute for pilrahna 3. but when i decided to buy a pair of bball shoes, gil zero was out of stock in singapore also. so settled to the creator lo. and now, a fusion of pilrahna and gil zero. way fucking cool man!

but anyway, i've improved and matured alot with this pair. so yeah. i'll worship it i guess. hahahahaha.

creator lo for shootaround on wednesdays and gilrahna for serious trainings on weekends. zai!

hahahahaha. last photo. up front, the pair of shoes that i improved a hell lot in. right in the middle, the pair of shoes that's gonna carry me further on in my mastery of the game. and at the back, my mum. the person who had spent 19 long freaking years nurturing a punk ass like me. well, its has been a long and fuck-ed up 19 years for her trying to bring me up. guess its now my turn to return the favour.

thinking of turning in early today. ciao!

yo, guess what? i was gl-ed to the max by a fellow bballer at my estate. hahahaha. big ass pussy right? hahahaha.

right now. i'm feel that i'm at peace with myself. i actually withstood provocation and i think it takes alot of willpower and discipline. its not that i don't wanna fight back and school that guy. its just that i don't see the need to.

my purpose of going down today was to do some zero-in after monday's weight lifting. its a routine. weight lifting on monday, zero-in on wed and then serious training on sat or sun. wed is a must, if not, the weight lifting on monday will screw up my strength control.

wanted to do solo shoot around but an acquaintance asked me to play with them so joined in. resisted the temptation of driving the lane and kept on shooting. really need to zero-in. so missed tonnes of shots. expected. airballs somemore leh. hahahaha. noob.

so yah. got gl-ed. didn't fight back. here's my take on it. basketball to me, is all about respect. i'm not a kick ass player, but when i'm facing weaker players, i don't taunt them. respect, period.

so yeah. i'm not focused during that game. so what? i'm just there to zero-in on my shots for saturday's training with samuel. u wanna guai lan me? go ahead. have fun. i hope you enjoy it.

u see, i've put so much effort into my training and i don't wanna sully my dignity by going all out just to prove that i can win u. what's the point? childish act. "yeah! i schooled u, faggot!" u actually get a kick out of that?

me? i wanna play my very best when it actually mattered the most. to play with a player that i respect, to protect a friend's dignity and so on. now, these are the things to play for man!

lets take cheng yu for example. tp school team player. hell of a player but he's humble. he played he's best against me when i'm not even close to his standard and made me realised what i actually can do at my full potential. pushed me forward and taught me lots of stuff. great great respect towards him and look forward to playing with him again. samuel can tell it. when i shared the same court with cheng yu, i'm all about business.

to protect a friend's dignity? hahaha. hell yeah. i remember this one time at the sheltered court outside tp. i was there with justin and jm. we don't usually visit there. the rim there is shit difficult to score and it was evident. i didn't even scored a single shit during shootaround. enough evidence to show that i won't be a factor for the night if we got into some match.

some of the regulars there challenged us. good players i should say. its a 4 on 4 match. those players who were friends against us plus an uncle training there. their team? epic. a big size guy who's way bigger than our own center, justin. a guy who's leaping ability was off the hook. 2 guys who were somewhat skilled players. i will say, those 2 guys are better than me.

but one of them made a big mistake. before the game actually started, the guy marking jm happened to said, "i'll mark the moh peng." thats it, game over.

i'm not sure if anyone other than me heard it, but at that time, its full throttle. led the game 10-8 before justin got the god damn leg cramps. in the end. lost 10-11 cause we were outnumbered. if i'm not wrong, out of the 10 points, i had 8 to 9, all by shooting when i can't even sink one during shootaround.

so yeah. bottomline? i go all out when i think its really worth it. so if i'm holding back? sorry, it just prove that you are not worth my 100%.

anyway, xiao liao. standard chartered sent me a card. "come run with us again!" hahahahahaha. jia lat. then ky's forming 2009's version of team18s. holy shit. have until 16 july to consider. so slowly lah huh. joined last year for the experience. if i join this year, i need something to run for. lol. i'm not a passionate runner arh. its not like basketball where u give me a call and say ,"eh, jem, damn sian, play bball leh." and i'll immediately agree. different case!

wah. jit bai see xiao liao.

we need guidance, we've been misled,
young and hostile, but not stupid.

so it rained. how long has it been? seriously had no idea. stm.

anyway, went to train on my shooting. its tough to do shootaround after it had rained. my bball shoes are like heelys, the floor's wet, the bball's slippery, my muscles are aching after monday's work out and it sure doesn't look good when u are throwing up air balls for ur first 10 shots.

so what? pack up and go home? there's no way i'm doing that. it may be an uphill task. but i'm gonna stay and train. 8.30 to 10.00.

think about this. if i can make shots in this kind of condition, think about what i might be able to do in normal condition? it's really tough i can say. really felt like giving up halfway through.

but seriously, i'm ok being a failure, but i'm not ok being a quitter. i won't forgive myself if i quit. i'm sure that someone somewhere is training on he's shooting in this condition all by himself also. so if i give up and go home, he will be ahead of me. i'm not gonna let that happen.

i'm already not talented, so i need to have the hardwork, heart and willpower to train. skills and talent will make u a good player. but its the heart, willpower and drive to work hard that make you a great player. i strongly believe in this principle.

anyway, halfway through the training, it started to drizzle abit. so the training duration might be cut short. now its the race against time, 100 shots made before the rain really gets too big to do training.

halfway through to 100, an acquaintance appeared. shootaround and talk with him before he challenged me to a one on one match. i lost. 9-11. am really disappointed. always taught that he's below me because i've defeated he's friend who's better than him. i'm not gonna find any reasons for this defeat, he won the match and deserves the credit. i just didn't perform well enough. my offense just wasn't a factor. locked him down on defense with 7 blocks and still lost. now that's something to worry about. anyway, there's no other factors that affected the outcome of the match other than my own incapabilities.

i know he'll pass through there next wednesday. i'll go down, train and wait for him to appear. for the next one on one match, i'll play with my heart and everything i've got. i'll get the win. i'll school him.

after my defeat, shoot for awhile longer and its 10.00pm. lights out. home.

jem signing off.

finally. its been a long road since 2005 i think. obstacles like failing to make it to the playoffs, early exits against phoenix suns for consecutive years, and an embarrassing loss in the finals against celtics. finally, kobe and lakers are at the top of the hill. nba 2009 champions. congrats.

over the years, its been fun following kobe's progressions. all the things he did to build up his legacy were crazy as hell. he did this, he did that, blah blah blah, too many to count. one hell of a roller coaster ride.

going for another 3 peat? possible with this group of players. kobe will still be my role player and idol. but i think its time i change to follow gilbert arenas for awhile. u see, i've nv stop following kobe's progressions cause he had nv won a championship in the post-shaq era. but now since he already won one, i kinda feel that the purpose of following kobe is done. these 2 years were quite boring in the fact that gilbert's not around. since he's back, i think i'll follow he's progressions. its really inspiring in following a person's dream in playing for a championship. it kinda motivates u.

alot of ppl's dream final matchup is kobe against lebron. for me, its kobe against gilbert.

lakers head coach and its big three i guess. pau gasol, kobe bryant and lamar odom.

a lil update. my lecturer came by my workplace to check up on my work progress. received positive remarks from my supervisor but there's still areas for improvements. so shall see what i can do. its a good learning experience.

went it show with ky after work on friday. just the 2 of us. slacked around town and i bought a basketball bag. pretty cool i should say.

went back to it show again ytd. my sis bought a new pc and i got an external hdd.

these aside. i'm planning to buy a new pair of bball shoes. my sort of burnt out the soles for my current pair. should i be proud? less than half a year i think. anyway, i'm kinda stuck cause singapore's adidas kinda don't have the shoes i want. searched the net and i can't really find results of it other than in chinese sites?

so here's the ebay page to the chosen one. lol. adidas gilrahna.

cool shit ain't it. and if i can't lay my hands on it. here's the substitute. gil zero low. i targeted the black and white one. quite an old shoe i think. but quite nice. as least for my standards.

ok. brain dead. gonna slp now.

hmmmm. how long has it been since sec 4? 3 years plus/minus? should be around there huh? so what have i achieved thus far? in my own opinion, nth. ky once told me he feels like he's a quitter. well for me, i feel like i'm a failure.

i think i've failed at almost everything. i've failed at friendship/brotherhood. i've failed to be a good family member. i'm still a no name in terms of bball. i'm a big time loser in relationship. i am not this, i am not that.

in these years, i've lost 4 really close friends. with these 4 gone, the group's real small now although the core of the group are still somewhat there. been real grateful that ky, jm, jj and justin are still around and there's an exciting addition in boss. but sometimes i wonder, won't things be way fucking cooler than now if the other 4 were still around? like more ppl to hang around with?

out of these 4, a couple of them has came to see us as a bunch of mofos for whatever reasons. for the other 2? well, i just didn't do a good job of keeping them around i think.

and this really sucks. for the ones that think that we are a bunch of mofos, it just prove how much a loser i am. for them to hang around us for so long and have them think of us in that manner is not something to be very proud of. for the ones that i've failed to keep around, all i'm gonna say is that i've messed up big time and that also, is not something to be very proud of.

if i'm the mediator of team18, i dare say i've failed terribly. and right now, i'm trying my very best to keep those really close friends around me and i hope i'm really able to. i don't wanna have another case whereby i will sit back one day and say, "fuck, why didn't i try to make things better with him/her?"

family. hah. these are people u see everyday. and i speak less than 10 words to my bro daily. pretty nice. i value intelligence and i respect the kind of intelligence he has. but, his kind of intelligence doesn't really appeal to me. in my opinion, i find that whatever he knows can be found in textbooks. ppl i really respect are ppl that can wow me with their not-in-textbook kind of intelligence, something call street smart or life experiences.

and seriously, i can't find anything to talk to my own brother. i've been thinking on how ky and me can talk non stop for hours and i can't last even 2 minutes with my bro.

aiyah. i don't know how to solve this fucking issue also. if i know, i won't be stuck right?

dream and passion. never really have much achievements in these area. failed to make it to the bball team in the first try out. joined ncc. went back for bball training upon invitation, failed to be matured enough to find a reason to stick around. failed to get second sergeant for ncc but managed to became a staff sergeant and supernumerary. however, i failed to receive recognition from the teachers in charge. am glad that i joined ncc for the ppl i'll eventually get to know but i will be left regretting for my whole life for not staying in the bball team.

also, i don't really know how to make myself feel better other than train my life away whenever i have the time. feeling pleased and happy with my achievements over some slight improvements. hahahaha. amateur. loser.

relationship wise? nv lasted more than 6 months. nice enough answer?

something's really wrong with me. i'm a major kick ass failure.

"now is the law of the jungle---as old and true as the sky;
and the wolf that shall keep it may prosper, but the wolf that shall break it must die.
as the creeper that girdles the tree-trunk, the law runneth forward and back---
for the strength of the pack is the wolf, and the strength of the wolf is the pack.''
--rudyard kipling

i don't know when it was that i bought and accepted the concept of "we not me". its true that a team will have a slight advantage in terms of skills if its loaded with talented players. but what good will it serves if the talented players don't work in unison? just another team that is overrated. a very good example will be the 2004 usa olympic team that won bronze. loaded with stars, crashed and burned like one.

recently, i once again ran into a brick wall in my personal pursuit known as the mastery of basketball. already anticipated this to happen when i started my internship. lack of time to train is bad enough and sitting in the office for 10 hours don't seem to help either.

after 2 weeks of internship, i sort of lost the shooting touch, lost the intensity, lost the hunger to win, lost the passion, lost my self confidence and most importantly, lost many matches. i know i can keep up with my opponents and even overwhelm them, but i can't get my engine to start.

its analogy is simple. its like driving a car and the engine keeps stalling. you'll go like, "wtf, is jj's father driving or its poon kip mun the one thats driving?"

i kept on thinking to myself, "yo jem, you'll need to step up, we're losing here. do something. you know you can pull off a win if you just snap." well, the truth is, you can't just snap anytime you like.

i started blaming myself for not being able to step up during crucial moments and save the team. this took a toll on my self confidence. then i realised, basketball is a team game. even if i stepped up, all i can do is delay the defeat and maybe fortunately enough, steal a win or two.

problem is, i'm not playing like a team member, all i'm thinking about is getting the shot off and scoring. the cold hard truth is, i'm not a very good shooter, yet. so what about assisting, rebounding, communicating, weak side defending and doing those small little things that contributes to winning? i think i'm not doing all that in all my losing effort. when your offense fails you, its not over. you have your teammates to rely on offense and all you need to do is keep doing those other things needed to win.

just when i thought i'm done, i saw the light again. straightened out my thoughts and decided that i'm not running away like how i used to. like what ky and i believe in, physical conditions and skills are important, but what's more inportant is the will power, the mental strength. i am not naturally gifted in basketball, i've worked real hard for all my skills and some slight recognition, i will not take all these things for granted, i am not gonna regret once more, i am not letting my efforts go down the drain, i am not going down without a fight. this is the end of the beginning. the highlights, the interesting parts are coming.

went down this week for basketball again. this time, with intensity, with the hunger to win, with passion, with self confidence and most importantly, the concept of "we not me". trained on my shooting to remove the ball rust. when i'm ready, i played 5 matches. 3 half court games and 2 full court games.

lost the first half court game and realised that i'm not doing it right yet. switch mode to assist my teammate and playing defense on the second game, score 7-2. for the third game, i switch mode once again. this time, scoring, assist and defense, score 7-1. slowly, understood the flow a little bit more. don't force the game, let it come to you.

2 full court matches. won both. played against some secondary school team players. my team was outnumbered but had the height advantage. being the tallest, i filled in as center. last line of defense and in charge of limiting opponent's second chance.

1. not giving up when things aren't right - passion for the game: checked
2. couple of blocks and steals and disrupting of easy shots - intensity on defense: checked.
3. limited opponent's second chance - efforts in rebounding: checked.
4. attracted defense and kicked the ball out to open teammates - assisting and getting teammates involved: checked.
5. giving us the lead when we were down a point or two - hunger to win and scoring efficiency: checked.
6. winning the game as a team - increased in self confidence and the concept of "we not me": checked.

like i've said. the best has yet to come. hope i can keep this up once more.

woah. its april. time really flies. almost one month into 19 years of age.

what have i done these holidays? abit of work, creating stronger bonds with brothers by celebrating their bday with them, helping out my mum throughout the holidays, training on my bball skills, an overnight potluck and a kickass cycling trip.

other than that, its sitting infront of the computer and rotting at home. alright, dota with boss, jj and jm is real fun. picked up dota once again. changed alot eh. still getting used to it. but shall not play too much. more dota means less bball training and its evident for this week. i only went down for shootaround on tuesday and didn't organinse the usual thursday bball trip. damn!

my legs are still strained but that only affects me very very very slightly. not a good reason to skip bball. am just too lazy. i admit.

sip's starting. well, hope i get into a good company with good superiors. no info tech stuff pls. i almost flung them all the time. nv more and a "c" for it modules.

as for driving lessons? hahahahaha. thats another bullshit also. been saying all the time that i'll start learning these holidays. but there's no motivation. like whats the point of getting a license when there's no car to drive? ok. after this week, maybe i'll kick into overdrive and finish up those stuff that should have been accomplished a long time ago.

actually, i've no idea what those stuff are but well, i've a few more days to figure them out.

lastly, a list of upcoming releases from a few bands.

amber pacific - 2009
american hi fi - april/may 2009
blink 182 - 2009
bowling for soup - june 2009
boys like girls - june 2009
fightstar - april 2009
good charlotte - 2009
greenday - may 2009
relient k - 2009
sum 41 - 2009
the click 5 - summer 2009

punk rock revival? well, we shall see, but first thing first, hope they produce some kick ass songs.

had nth to do so i'm back to blog. lol.

nth to blog about today leh. hmmmm. maybe i'll blog abit about nba and its race to mvp. it'll bore u peeps out. i just know it. so i suggest u all to save urself from the pain. lol!

first up. read this article and this stats sheet.

kobe is the most efficient at the end of games during clutch time. but overall, he's not performing like lebron and wade. there's arguments saying that kobe is holding back so that his young team can grow but like the article said, he's not living up to the great expectations ppl have on him right now. honestly speaking, i expect 30 plus points per game from him. lol.

dwayne wade won't win it this year either. leading the league with 29.9 points per game is good but kobe didn't win it when he led the nba with 35.4. this is because of the system called "best player on the best team".

so it comes down to lebron james. yeah yeah. although i hate to say this but, he have the best chance of winning it this year. best team record and as usual, lebron is filling up the stats sheet and wins kobe in every categories except 3 point and free throw percentage. what pisses me off is that ppl are saying that kobe is playing with pau gasol who is a more legitimate all star than lebron james's teammate, mo williams and that kobe has a better team than lebron.

what those shitheads nv noticed is that kobe's team has only one ex/current all star teammate in pau gasol and lebron's team has 4 ex/current all star teammates in ben wallace, zydrunas ilgauskas, wally szczerbiak and mo williams.

ok lah. lazy to discuss more. the last time i did a blog post about kobe and lebron, it ended up worse than replying an essay question.

edited photos here. sir took this photo for me. thanks arh.

well, whenever i'm on the court, its me against the world.

grayscale.

thats all for today.

was talking to jj and jm online. were discussing some stuff.

Ī Junjie Ī says:
we 7~9 can liao
junming says:
now only 6
Ī Junjie Ī says:
7
Ī Junjie Ī says:
wan bet?
junming says:
i think sure have pei ren
junming says:
so 7
junming says:
bet your poon la
Ī Junjie Ī says:
woah relax
Ī Junjie Ī says:
thats lv 25 vulgar

junming says:
im off
Ī Junjie Ī says:
but tmr
junming says:
GOOD BYE
Ī Junjie Ī says:
must rmb
Ī Junjie Ī says:
remind
Ī Junjie Ī says:
me
junming says:
OKAY NO PROBLEM
Ī Junjie Ī says:
in case shit happens
Ī Junjie Ī says:
ok
Ī Junjie Ī says:
dun caps, sounds dulan to me
Ī Junjie Ī says:
hahaha
Ī Junjie Ī says:
ok BYE!

hahahahaha. that guy nv change.

anyway, went to train on bball with chen wee ytd in tp. nice trip i should say. my shooting really improved. shocked chen wee also. had a shooting competition. each one of us will shoot at one side of the court, first to reach 30 wins.

i started off fast leading 15 to 9 i think. then i got tired and slacked for awhile until chen wee caught up at 20 to 21 before closing it at 30 to 23. nice way to train.

then played random one on one and shoot the lights out. i'm in lock on mode now. it feels like i can do anything on the court. had 3 one on one matches for finale. chen wee won the first one 5-7. caught me by surprise and i decided to focus and play. won the second and third set 7-4 and 5-2 if i'm not wrong.

ok. thats one thing thats bothering me now. it kinda makes me feel both helpless and useless. ok. first up, my mum was abandoned by her blood parents. she went back home once but it wasn't a nice trip. she had her house number but she nv called at all. there's alot of backstory to it which i will not elaborate. but all i can say is, its not a good experience for her and if i'm in her situation, i'll nv call back home again too.

but today, my mum showed me this note. she had problem saying it out. the note shows.

i called home to look for my mum when you weren't at home. she picked up the phone and said "hello?" and i hang up straight after. she's not died and doing fine.

and when i saw my mum's face. that sad look. i felt kinda lost. i don't really know what to do. i know that i can't fill that void and all i can do was to tell her to stop crying and cheer up.

seriously. i fucking hate my own blood grandparents. if i ever see them. t(-.-t) is what they'll get from me. so new resolution for me, be a better son.

conversion complete. from driver to scorer. =)

alright. gonna slp now.

4 days to first monthsary. 8 january 2009, i had my first ankle injury. 4 february, i had my second. ok, go ahead and laugh peeps. i wasn't being stubborn i swear. my ankle had fully healed. it was evident. today, i was just down on my luck and its just another accident.

erm, i kinda crashed into samuel's leg while marking him and then kaboom, i'm lying on the floor holding on to my left leg. that instance, all that ran through my mind was, "this is big fuck. this is big fuck. there goes my so called career and league series should be days away and i'm in this state again."

samuel and anton sent me home and when my mum knew about this, i had a dreadful round of scolding. she asked me to stop playing bball. it kinda got me thinking while i was sitting on the toilet bowl shitting.

lets do the mathematics ok? from primary 2 to poly year 2, that's 11 years of bballing. what have i got from it? no sch team selection, a spot in an outside bball team which was inactive for 4 years, 1 minor biz shield championship trophy which i didn't even play and 4 injuries concentrated on the left side of my body. 11 years should be enough, its time to stop.

also, i've woke up from my dream long time ago. every nba player just said that if u believe in it and work hard, you'll get there someday. i believed in it, i've work hard but i have no talent so, time to focus on something else.

but hah, if u think that i'm gonna stop just like this. hell no. i'm ok with me not being on a sch team. i'm ok with me not having any trophy for major competitions. i'm ok with me never having the chance to play in the nba. i've ok with me not having any talent. but i'm not ok if i give up. the reason i kept on playing is because i have the passion for bball. i just wanna play.

i don't mind playing bball around any streetball courts. i don't mind if there's no fame. its all ok. i'll improve at my own pace. i'll be satisfied winning those pick up matches. i'll be satisfied as long as i can shoot the ball for my whole life. words from a loser u may say. but i'll be a bigger loser if i quit now.

my mind's set. try to persuade me all u want peeps. try. i just wanna play.

over and out.

alright. the mid sem tests are and its saturday. so i guess ppl should be out with their bf/gf huh? well, sad for me, i'm single. lol. went out with ky though. went down to vivo to buy two belts. hahahaha. i went "what the fuck" when ky told me he's only planning to buy 2 belts.

u know how i felt? as in. he made it sounds like as if its an emergency ytd. so i had to wake up early at 12 plus and meet him. i was thinking maybe he'll be buying things like shirts or pants. went all the way down to vivo from tampines with him and he's only buying belts. hahahaha. i think we spent more time on the train then in vivo.

oh yah, while on the train, ky and i were talking about ndu and sense of security for girls. i'm like being strong and bulky is good. i mean yah, ur gf will feel the sense of physical security. but i think if i'm a girl. i would prefer spiritual or emotional sense of security over the physical side if i can only choose one out of the two. as in, what's the point of u being so muscular and strong when u can't be there whenever ur gf needs help or someone to support them? its useless. of course it would be good to give them physical, spiritual and emotional sense of security, but its too hard to achieve. lol.

ok. met samuel for dinner ytd. told him to have mercy on me since i'm low on cash for the week. met him with $40 and went home with $6. so much for mercy huh? dinner at mac, accompanied him to watched twilight, then ben and jerry's during movie. as usual, samuel went to ntuc to kope 2 spoons and now i'm keeping the 2 spoons in my bag. no need to kope from ntuc or shop and save again u see.

its been long since i last played bball. think i'm gonna play later on. feel kinda weak today leh, but whatever lah, the fatigue should go away when i step on the court. =)

ok ok. tight schedule for this 2 weeks. here i go.

14 dec, sunday - outing with brothers. most prob either lan, pool or bowling. i prefer pool though.
15 dec, monday - back to sch to help in the filming of bit camp intro video. script writer and director seh!
16 dec, tuesday - according to jm. camping at east coast with brothers on that day.
17 dec, wednesday - bit camp.
18 dec, thursday - bit camp.
19 dec, friday - should be having bbq with brothers since i told jm i'm only free on friday. but if they don't wanna have it on friday. should be having in on wed which maybe i'll run away from camp to attend.
20 dec, saturday - dunman alumni concert with brothers and close friends.
21 dec, sunday - free day. should be bballing on my own.
22 dec, monday - free day also.
23 dec, tuesday - free day again.
24 dec, wednesday - cousin's wedding dinner.
25 dec, thursday - x mas. should be with brothers as usual. nice time to go out with gf right? hahahaha.

onwards are all free days. bballing and slp-ing. good plan i guess. oh yah. there'll be one chalet with brothers during holidays. wonder when it'll be.

done with this post. bye.

rain. it dampens my mood to play bball. this sucks man. spoil my mood and my plans. wanted to keep myself in form by going for a shootaround session on my own. gone. too bad the weather sucks.

alright. past few days were quite well spent i think. went sitex with ky, jm, jj boss, vanda and her friend on thursday. nth for me to buy. main purpose is to accompany brothers to go there to get their stuff. jj and boss each bought a new external hdd. ky got a new phone. woah. whopping $600. hahahahaha. supper at kobayashi with jj, vanda and ky after that. then walked home with ky.

went for vanda's church life group's bbq on friday. lol. not bad lah huh. knew some new ppl. slacked around there and then went home.

ikea with parents, my uncle and aunt on saturday. not bad. went to look for chairs. then ended up not buying it. hahahaha. nvm. going to giant with parents is good. u take what u see. lol.

stayed home on sunday and thought of the script and storyline for the gaming project. 2 hours, 10 pages and 2841 words. drained quite alot of my brain juice. good thing anton said that it was quite a piece of work. lol. he told me to go and write books. hahahahaha. please man. that's way out of my league. writing small storylines for this project and orientation video was tough enough.

so yeah. don't think i'll need to say much about ytd. it was sch of course. hahahaha.

oh yah. my coursemates and i signed up for the bus shield bball tournament. initally it consist of chengyu, teck wee, chen wee, samuel and me. i thought that since chengyu and teck wee were on the team, we may get a shot of winning something eventhough the backcourt combination of the remaining 3 of us aren't as good as the frontcourt. but chengyu can't make it due to ivp and then its holy shit. frontcourt got weaker and backcourt remained the same. somemore, we were lack of one member. samuel suggested cher haur and i think its a good idea. will give our team a lift again although he's not as good as chengyu. but whatever. cher haur is good enough.

prob now is. i don't think i'm up to it yet. chengyu told me that alot of ppl may be watching. well, i won't perform well. thats all i got to say. can't do things right with so many ppl watching. don' feel comfortable. i prefer playing bball with friends only and no one else watching.

aiyah, its in jan, so when its closer then huan loh bah i guess. gonna train with samuel during the holidays and before that, lets lie low and study for the mid sem test. lol.

oh yah. xmas is coming. so brothers! any plans?