reached level 21 in life recently. 9th march to be exact. for those who cared, thanks alot. really appreciated it. didn't really celebrate it. not much to celebrate about. just another day. why celebrate growing older?

9th march wasn't exactly a fun day. started the day with a 28km route march. seriously, no fun at all. parade and posting after that. was posted to artillery. something i wanted but not the best conclusion for me. despite all the rantings that i do not want to stay back for aslc, i actually wanted it due to the fact that i can be an instructor either at pasir laba camp or bmt after that.

but after hearing from friends that i need to chiong sua during reservice, maybe pressing buttons and loading of rounds ain't that bad afterall.

heard the news that my great grandmother passed away just when i was packing up for home after everything's done. wasn't really affected by it initially but as the news slowly sinks in, it kinda got to me. still rmb the times when i would visit her every sunday with my grandma. not that close but still a family member yo. what's worse, i thought that she passed away on my birthday. in the end, she passed away 2 days before hand on my cousin's bday.

was at her wake for the next 2 days, couldn't really lift my spirits. the only thing i'm looking forward to that week was the dinner outing with team18. the only group of ppl around who without fail can turn my upside down smile into a real smile.

and true to their reputation, the outing was epic. felt way better after that outing. greatest group of ppl around.

anyway, now that i've turned 21, really makes me wonder whether have i lived it right so far? am i strong enough? am i matured enough? where would i be now if i was a lil more demanding? where would i be now if i was a lil more matured back then? and where would i be now if i was more of a bastard? i dont have the answers and doubt anyone else has them too.

looking back, i'ved played basketball for 13 years, have known members of team18 for almost a decade and have left dunman for almost 5 years.

recently, i kinda lost the motivation and will to play bball. almost forgot how it feels like to be free on the court perfecting ur craft. almost forgot the joy and satisfaction upon hearing the "swish". almost forgot the excitement of finding a new obstacle to overcome that u don't really know how to react but simply just smiled. pretty cool ain't it?

13 years and i'm still learning new stuff and am still chasing after someone's back trying to make a mark for myself. just learnt some new stuff ytd. =) but my left knee feels weird recently. weak to be exact, thanks to the 28km route march. i've kinda lost a step and my explosiveness as compared to me during my peak period. i still have my old "seh" as a player, but the me right now is an empty shell. the old me would just say "its just back to the court for more training". but it really takes alot of time and discipline to do that. too much things to master but too little time here. most of the time when i booked out, i just wanna go out and relax with team18 and if that's impossible, then stay home and enjoy the alone time.

really wonder how nba superstars like tracy mcgrady, gilbert arenas, grant hill and many others cope with their demise as a dominant player in the league. i am nth compared to them but i am already kinda fucking lost and confused here.

team18 eh. i used to say that they have been around for a long time but until i do the math, i have no idea it was this fucking long. 8 years since i know jj, the bro i've known the longest. 7 for ky, 6 for jm and jl, 5 for all the other guys and 2 years for the girls. according to ky, good relationship with anyone is definitely a 2 way effort and i fucking grateful that everyone in this group has put in effort. close to 5 years after graduating from dunman and they are still around. jl said it best, this team is for a lifetime already. so better stay true, stay close and hopefully, we'll still be drinking kopi and crapping tgt at some random kopitiam when we are old ah pehs. =)

now that i'm 21 and really has act my age and be sane all the time, i seriously miss the times when i was 16. back then, all we look forward to was sch and how to make sch-ing fun in our sense. to do things on our own terms, have fun, act stupid and get drunk with my best friends. 16 to 18, these 3 years were some of the greatest time in my life up until now. not that its not fun now, but seriously, its really fun back then just being young and hopeless.

ok. gonna end this post soon. just some words of wisedom from this self proclaimed genius. first up, have fun in life. live in the moment. serious, you are only young once, make it fun. dont waste ur youth with books, use ur youth to make alot of fucking great memories. although in the end, you may prolly end up like me. having trouble getting into a local university. but still worth it right?

good things come to those who work. trust me. but work smart eh. have faith and work towards ur goal, if u fail, at least u've tried. in life, not everything will go ur way, there will be things you can have and there will be things that aren't meant to be urs. so try ur best to deal with it. for my case, its either team18 or a more successful basketball "career". i chose team18 and have no regrets. so now, i have to deal with the basketball shit myself.

for whatever things u are trying to achieve, if u are losing faith, just train. if you dont feel good about urself, just train. if u aren't feeling confident, just train. if you dunno what's ur next step, just train. ur training is the only thing that wont betray u.

whatever u do, follow ur own pace. no one else knows what u want more than u. have fun during the process and at times, the outcome doesn't really matters. if u've learnt something from a failure, its already a good takeaway.

dont waste ur time asking why things are unfair. the world is unfair to begin with. instead, use the time spent on complaining to do something else. this is not "not giving a shit", its just not letting things get to u. you'll live happier that way. =)

family and friends before everything else. they will be the ones u run to when u are down. focus too much on career and at the end of the road, there will be no one there for u. true, lesser earnings, but i think the bond u have will worth much more.

dont waste ur time making tonnes of friends. u are not here to win a popularity contest. use ur time to make friends that will be there for u always. my case? team18holdings.

play to win, but winning isn't everything. there's always a lesson to be learnt when u lose.

respect, loyalty and teamwork.

ok. fucking hungry right now. gonna eat. and i need to book in tml, just the thought itself is killing me. fuck!

memories, make me want to go back there, back there.
all the memories, make me want to go back there, back there.
all the memories, how can we make it back there, back there.
i want to be there again.