okok. just a few days and so much things happened. this past few months are very stressful and tough. things kept changing. and it's so hard to adapt to the changes.

first up, we ended. haix. her feelings faded once again. and i am really lost for comments. hmmm. after what happened. i don't know if i have faith in relationships anymore. my trust is always being betrayed. seriously i wonder, what is this thing call "love"? people outside my group are happily in love whereas my entire brothers including me, are being tormented by it. are we really so useless? or are we just not worthy to find happiness and be happy with that someone? good things are worth waiting for yah? but how long must we wait? how long must we be tortured in order to find it?

next, brotherhood. jm and i were backstabbed by him. now ky has became his victim too. what exactly in the world had we done wrong? we trusted him so much and yet he backstabbed us all at once. TRUST! what is it anyway? i know, we did something really very bad. to kick dong kai and sam out. but that doesn't mean we will kick him out too. i swore that no one is going out. and it will remain this way. this path is what he chose to take. this is what he force us to do. that day should come soon. to let him know he mess around with the wrong shit. someone had to put him in his place, and we are glad to do it.

this month is really hard. nth is right. O's coming and yet i am so distracted. i feel so lost. i got no directions now. what course am i going to take when i go to poly? what is the type of job that i am interested in? all of this, i still don't know. i am still at a lost. i thought i had found that motivation to press on. but that source left me lost with no directions.

this world is a screwed up place. there are so many hypocrites and backstabbers. i seriously don't know what to do with my life now. i am not in the mood to do any thing. i just want some peace. but there is no peace. my family is always quarreling lah. and my father said that my family is a mockery. haix. yah i agree.

damn. just god damn it. i wanna laugh. i wanna smile. but is there something to be happy about? she told me it's the way i look at things. damn. she is doing whatever she likes man. but i am having myself to go along with what people wants from me. i never want to see her sad. but she always do it to me. haix.

true bah. i heard someone saying this before. trust, faith and attachments to people will make one weak. i agree totally to it. if it ain't for all this stuff that cause me to lost faith and trust. i will still be happy and not feeling betrayed and inferior.

love to us are like a torture, we are suffering from it. loneliness is like a life sentence, we need someone special but we are always left on the shelf. we may appear to be strong and happy, but deep down inside, we are being tormented and crying. for all that is happening, well i guess this is growing up.