i'm back. well. jm booked out ytd. so had dinner with him. ate alot of things. cost us over $100. $20 per person. ok lah. still affordable. most important. was the fun. anyway. kelly and i broke up. and i'm damn pissed with everything now. and of course. sad and sianned. haix. she's doing me the favour to break up. wth? no comments.

blog about today first then full force ranting. woke up this morning and went to the market with my mum. took one of my jeans for altering. lol. after which, went to tampines interchange to meet up with my sis. she came down from home to meet us. went to pay some bills with her. then went shopping with my mum and sis.

my mum bought one jeans. i bought one pants and some ankle length socks. then walked around somemore before going home. then while walking to the interchange from tm. my mum saw this mouse soft toy on the floor and thought that it was a real big fat mouse. so she grabbed me and sort of screamed. it startled me abit. but when i found out that she was fooled by a soft toy. i laughed my heads off. lol. spastic sia my mum.

so after that, went home. played games until i lost track of the time. then went to meet jun jie at 5.45 pm. was supposed to meet around 5.30 pm but as usual, was late. lol. ky and belle was worse, met up with us at 6. 20 i think. lol. pro.

walked around tm again wondering what to eat. was thinking of seoul garden but its $26 plus for ytd. ki xiao. $26 plus for seoul garden? not worth it. lol. so decided to go somewhere else to eat. went all the way down to block 844 i think. its around wai kit's house. ate alot. crab, prawns, deer meat, chicken, hor fun, fried rice blah blah blah. lol. was so darn full.

walked back to tm. then slack. watch ppl close their shop. then walked annabelle home. ky, jun jie and me then went to the playground near belle's home to slack and talk. jm can't tag along cause he need to book in to camp at 7 am later on. lol. ky and jun jie listen to me rant and tried to consult and console me. haix.

anyway, some lame shit happened. justin smsed me this while we were crapping.

hey...tmr pool at eastpoint...meet at the bk there at 12 noon...plz inform me if u cmi...don't reply this msg...

lol, so we were thnking. how do we inform him if we really cmi? lol. lame sia. after that went home lor. later going out for pool again. selling my gc to kelvin at a discount price of $180. lol.

anyway. full force ranting. i don't know where to start lah ok? i don't know what happened. i was still finding a way out for us. trying my best. damn hard. haix.

i know. i can't give ppl attention at all. i'm a happy go lucky, bo chap, sit back relax and enjoy life kind of moron. i like freedom. i like being carefree. doing whatever i like. that's my personality. kelly on the other hand, is someone who needs a little more attention, is loving. so whenever i heck her and got a lil indulged in my own life and left her on her own. she will get confused and pissed at times. i can't make her happy lah. most of the time, frustration is what i gave her.

i hate this personality at times. but i can't help it. i developed this personality in this process call growing up. cause if i don't adopt this kind of attitude. i would have broke down long time ago. haix.

ok. since i'm old enough to remember anything. the only thing i remember about my still living grandpa is that he dislikes me. he will scold me whenever i'm not in the wrong. example, when i was watching american funniest home video with my siblings when they were young. my sis will scream when its damn funny. my grandpa dislikes ppl to scream. but instead of scolding my sis, i got the scolding. wth. been his punching bag since young. thats y whenever i visit my grandparents now, i only greet my grandpa and don't bother talking or socialising with him.

my grandma? no matter whatever went wrong, things spoil or what. top on her list. always is me. and when i told her it ain't me, she simply don't believe me. wakao. unfair lor. ok? but i still talk to her. cause she took care of me when i'm young.

my dad on the other hand. haix. nv like talking to me. talk to me like giving commands. then talk so nicely to my bro and sis. kena scolding, first in line. confirm me. phone bills over $90. kena scolding. sis phone bill over $100. i don't see anything. her's higher leh. i kena. win lor. what did i do wrong in my life? only my mum treats me nicely cause she knew all the shit i went through. haix.

then when i talk on the phone with kelly. my dad don't like it. then he'll scold my mum and tell her to ask me to stop talking on the phone. he got mouth don't wanna talk to me. go scold my mum for what? then my mum stuck in between. damn jia lat. always kena scolding. so i must refrain from talking to kelly. but, i will wonder if she's thinking too much or not. so go and call. mum kena again.

haix. when will i get away from this kind of life? i wanna break loose from everything for alot of times already, but whenever i thought of my mum, i will think thrice. sianned. that why i developed the happy go lucky personality. bo chap, forget things easily and fast.

so yah. to kelly, its not that i don't like you. i'm just considering on what to do. thats y i'm not so reactive and happy these few days. i'm trying to find a way out. and for the other day. i'm seriously fine. its just that i'm not happy because u are not happy. not that i'm puttin on a strong front like what u thought. not that i'm denying anything. its not the way u think and told ky. but haix. since everything ended. no use explaining. u mistook all my words.

for everything, i'm at fault. i'm sorry. i can't give u happiness. frustration and disappointment is all i know that i gave u. so yah, go on and find someone better and someone who suits u even more than me. i this kind of ppl, will only gave u headache like what i told u before. cause i can't devote 100% of my time to u and give u alot of attention. i seriously hope that u will find someone better. cause its proven i think. i'm not who u wanted.

and as for her friends who are angry with me. go ahead. u all have every right to do so. i don't expect u all to see things from my point of view. u all are not in my shoes. won't understand the shit i'm going through all the time.

and to those who will make dumb comments to me either in my cbox, through sms or online. pls save me some pain and refrain from doing it. cause i'm seriously not in the mood and will blow my top easily now. haix. think thats all liao.

thanks to the brothers who tried cheering my up. and this is a tribute to jun jie. for trying to cheer me up. lol. campfire song from spongebob squarepants in maple style. lol.