"now is the law of the jungle---as old and true as the sky;
and the wolf that shall keep it may prosper, but the wolf that shall break it must die.
as the creeper that girdles the tree-trunk, the law runneth forward and back---
for the strength of the pack is the wolf, and the strength of the wolf is the pack.''
--rudyard kipling

i don't know when it was that i bought and accepted the concept of "we not me". its true that a team will have a slight advantage in terms of skills if its loaded with talented players. but what good will it serves if the talented players don't work in unison? just another team that is overrated. a very good example will be the 2004 usa olympic team that won bronze. loaded with stars, crashed and burned like one.

recently, i once again ran into a brick wall in my personal pursuit known as the mastery of basketball. already anticipated this to happen when i started my internship. lack of time to train is bad enough and sitting in the office for 10 hours don't seem to help either.

after 2 weeks of internship, i sort of lost the shooting touch, lost the intensity, lost the hunger to win, lost the passion, lost my self confidence and most importantly, lost many matches. i know i can keep up with my opponents and even overwhelm them, but i can't get my engine to start.

its analogy is simple. its like driving a car and the engine keeps stalling. you'll go like, "wtf, is jj's father driving or its poon kip mun the one thats driving?"

i kept on thinking to myself, "yo jem, you'll need to step up, we're losing here. do something. you know you can pull off a win if you just snap." well, the truth is, you can't just snap anytime you like.

i started blaming myself for not being able to step up during crucial moments and save the team. this took a toll on my self confidence. then i realised, basketball is a team game. even if i stepped up, all i can do is delay the defeat and maybe fortunately enough, steal a win or two.

problem is, i'm not playing like a team member, all i'm thinking about is getting the shot off and scoring. the cold hard truth is, i'm not a very good shooter, yet. so what about assisting, rebounding, communicating, weak side defending and doing those small little things that contributes to winning? i think i'm not doing all that in all my losing effort. when your offense fails you, its not over. you have your teammates to rely on offense and all you need to do is keep doing those other things needed to win.

just when i thought i'm done, i saw the light again. straightened out my thoughts and decided that i'm not running away like how i used to. like what ky and i believe in, physical conditions and skills are important, but what's more inportant is the will power, the mental strength. i am not naturally gifted in basketball, i've worked real hard for all my skills and some slight recognition, i will not take all these things for granted, i am not gonna regret once more, i am not letting my efforts go down the drain, i am not going down without a fight. this is the end of the beginning. the highlights, the interesting parts are coming.

went down this week for basketball again. this time, with intensity, with the hunger to win, with passion, with self confidence and most importantly, the concept of "we not me". trained on my shooting to remove the ball rust. when i'm ready, i played 5 matches. 3 half court games and 2 full court games.

lost the first half court game and realised that i'm not doing it right yet. switch mode to assist my teammate and playing defense on the second game, score 7-2. for the third game, i switch mode once again. this time, scoring, assist and defense, score 7-1. slowly, understood the flow a little bit more. don't force the game, let it come to you.

2 full court matches. won both. played against some secondary school team players. my team was outnumbered but had the height advantage. being the tallest, i filled in as center. last line of defense and in charge of limiting opponent's second chance.

1. not giving up when things aren't right - passion for the game: checked
2. couple of blocks and steals and disrupting of easy shots - intensity on defense: checked.
3. limited opponent's second chance - efforts in rebounding: checked.
4. attracted defense and kicked the ball out to open teammates - assisting and getting teammates involved: checked.
5. giving us the lead when we were down a point or two - hunger to win and scoring efficiency: checked.
6. winning the game as a team - increased in self confidence and the concept of "we not me": checked.

like i've said. the best has yet to come. hope i can keep this up once more.