well, i have my back against the wall now. kobe bryant's coming to singapore and i failed to get the tickets. thanks to me being at work and there's no one available to help and collect the tickets due to studies.

well actually, there was one. but hahahahaha, how the fuck would i know he has his mambo every wed?

so nvm, there's only one solution left. go for the trials and hope i get the once in a lifetime chance to be trained by kobe bryant. this truly is a dream come true. my admiration for this man is out of this world. to meet him and be trained by him has always been my goal ever since primary 4. this, is the only chance in my life that our paths will ever cross each other's. the only chance.

its truly something to go all out for. but here's the dilemma. i think this will be the time when my 100% don't actually matter. see, he's kobe bryant. there will be tonnes of ppl wishing to be trained by him. not only me.

and where do i stand amongst them? certainly not at the top. there will be national players and star players from every team there, waiting to be trained by him too. me? just a no name. see the gap? the chance of being selected is unsurprisingly close to zero.

i've spoken to my mother, she asked me to go and try it out so that i will nv have any regrets. true. the prob is, if i nv turn up, all i can say is i missed the event and yes, i'll live with regrets. but by not turning up for the event, there's not really much of a desire to get chosen u see.

but if i ever turn up for the trials. its a totally different thing. if i turn up, the only objective in my brain is to get selected. get what i mean? there's a desire. a fucking strong one.

truth is, i know i won't be picked. and if that really happens. it will be freaking demoralising. denied the chance to be trained by kobe bryant because i wasn't good enough. i think i will be destroyed and it'll take hell lot of time to recover from that fall.

its not that i can't take failures. i've been a failure my whole life. its just that i don't think i can take the "not good enough to be trained by kobe" label on top of me being a failure. get what i mean?

its a tough decision. training on wed by myself was messed up. the thought of making it to the event kept running through my mind and i can't focus. after knowing that the tickets were fully redeemed, my focus has been at its peak for 2 days straight, getting ready for the trials.

this is something i must fight for. actually, i'm used to fighting for almost everything i've achieved. they don't come easy for untalented ppl like me. i know that there will be no regrets if i turn up for the event but the chances of failing are close to absolute.

i don't know what to do, seriously. all i know is that i already swore in front of ky to cut off my fringe and have short hair if i ever get selected.

short hair, no fringe. i can live with that as long as i get be to be trained by kobe. i swear.